I can feel God when I work and take pleasure in the Supreme Personality of Godhead

When I work, I can feel the Supreme Personality of Godhead. There is a peace that washes over me and fills my soul. It is a quiet peace. In Western European culture, we must remember that differing "castes" can occur within a family. In my family, we would have mostly what would be considered Bhrahmins and one Vaishya, but I consider myself a sudra--a literate sudra, but nonetheless I consider myself a sudra because so many things are things which I find complex and I work either autonomously or under leadership. Service to others seems to be in my make-up.

I have had a rough time as of late and I still haven't learned how to leave everything to God, but I am closer than I was awhile back. I am sure that some of the Das's remember my frantic letters. It is very difficult to deal with the newer aspects of Krishna spirituality because of the hefty and pervasive Christian training that I have. Sometimes, I feel that I am lying to my Christian friends but if they knew that I worshipped Krishna, they would reject me and down where I live there are only a handful of Krishna/Vishnu worshipping types, so...............

But I listen to the Gita everyday and I have come far with it. Wisdom doesn't happen all at once; it happens in steps. Last night, I organized all of my clothes for work and tonight, I will organize more things to get ready for work. Krishna works in a subtle way....slowly and gently.....and you begin to see your own maya as well as the maya of others.

I still get confused on some things. Like "perusha" being the enjoyer and I equate it with adidaiva.....I guess that they are two aspects of the soul within us.....the divine spark.......

I have learned that the soul sometimes has to go beyond our karmic make up and when we do what we don't want to but what we do is good, we feel that inner satisfaction that is our soul.

Anyway, as I begin my day, I say "Hare Krishna!"
Ekat