hare krishna, i no longer have a desire to divorce my wife, happy
You say you don't think it's right to leave your wife. Yes, you're right - it isn't right to divorce.
This might be surprising for you but marriage is actually not about love; it's about dharma. This is what helps us get closer to Krsna. Love is for Krsna.
What we may believe in modern day society to be love is actually just biology in action. One minute you may feel you love your wife; the next minute that feeling has gone. Such "biology in action" actually results in a 50% divorce rate.
If you left your wife, this would not be Krsna conscious. Think about how much pain and suffering your wife and children would go through if you were to divorce. This is not right - remember, a devotee never causes distress to others, he never brings them grief. By leaving one's wife, one is likely to suffer due to causing her so much distress. There is a verse in the Bhagavad Gita as follows: yasman nodvijate loko lokan nodvijate ca yah/harsamarsa-bhayodvegair mukto yah sa ca me priyah, "He for whom no one is put into difficulty and who is not disturbed by anxiety, who is steady in happiness and distress, is very dear to Me." (12.15)
Scott, life is about commitment. What a wonderful opportunity Krsna has given you to practice being a committed person, a mature adult, a responsible husband - even if you don't want to be. Of course, there are many things in life that we have to do that we don't want to do. But we do them anyway because it's the right thing to do them. Our life is not about doing the things that make us happy; it's about doing what makes Krsna happy. And Krsna is happy when we do the right thing.
This is a chance for you to grow more. Krsna is providing the opportunity if you want to take it. Scott, don't let it go.
If you can grab this opportunity, it will be amazing. Honouring your position as faithful husband will help you develop a special kind of affection for your wife. It will not be lusty affection. It will be devotional. It will be service.
Prabhupada didn't like his wife, but he faithfully served her and the family. This is a higher principle than so- called love, which, like I said, isn't love at all, but simply biology in action. Actually, Prabhupada wrote to many devotees regarding similar situations. I will quote relevant bits from one of his letters written in 1973:
"You say that your "association together was hindering your advancement." But Krsna consciousness marriage system should not be taken in that way, that if there is any botheration that means something is hindering my spiritual progress, no. Once it is adopted, the grhastha life, even it may be troublesome at times, it must be fulfilled as my occupational duty... We should never think of our so-called advancement as being conditioned by or dependent upon some set of material circumstances such as marriage, vanaprastha, or this or that. Mature understanding of Krsna consciousness means that whatever condition of life I am in at present, that is Krsna's special mercy upon me, therefore let me take advantage in the best way possible to spread this Krsna consciousness movement and conduct my spiritual master's mission. If I consider my own personal progress or happiness or any other thing personal, that is material consideration... Arjuna came to the conclusion that he must perform his occupational duty, not as a material obligation, for reasons of wife, family, friends, reputation, professional integrity, like that—no. Rather he must conduct the functions of his station of life only as a devotional service performed for Krsna. That means that devotional service is what is important, not my occupational duty. But it does not mean that because occupation duty is not the real consideration, that I should give it up and do something else, thinking that devotional service may be carried on under whatever circumstances which I may whimsically decide. Krsna recommended Arjuna to remain as he was, not to disrupt the order of society and go against his own nature just for convenience sake."
I really hope that has helped you. I will pray for your and your family's well-being.
Personally at your service,
Thank you for your reply, i pray to krishna for guidance and he delivers it through one of his devotees, i am in a better place this morning for reading you reply and i have taken on board all that you say, i will follow your instruction, thank you again
your humble servant
I'm very happy that Krsna used me as an instrument to distribute my spiritual master's and Srila Prabhupada's teachings to help save a family's life. I'm glad to have been of service to you.
advice from Bhaktin Roma. It is a pleasure to read such mature, Krishna conscious comments. Prabhupada's quotes are very relevant.
Thanks much for writing this, Roma.
Join our family of supporters. Make a donation.
Thank you to the following individuals for keeping Krishna.com alive and vibrant:
Jnana Bhakti dasa, Deborah Harrell, Igor Milenkovic, Audrey Jimenez, Carmen Rodríguez, Nitin Sethi MD, John Stapp, Denish Patel, Dianne Light, Tamil Mani, Marlon Brock, Anonymous, Chythanya Rajanna, Kallol Sarkar, Ling Ling Wong, Allen Lucas, Ida Michael, Vikram Rajan, Keith Fralin, Lucie Kernerová, Dr. Prem K. Pancham, Anonymous, Sunilkumar Patel, Arvind Mani, Danny Koendjbiharie, Angel Maria Raudner, Rustam Karimov, Marina Hansen Russo, Renuka Muthumanickam, Amit Singh, Nalinie Pooran, Ricky Verma, Amrit Kaur, Jayantkumar Ramjee, Sandip Bhatt, Amit N, Abhijeet Singh, Chaitanya Nanduri, Ralph Pierre Scharoun, T & Lakshmi Radhakrishnan, Suhani & Sumeet Bharat, Surendra Krishnan, Susheel N, Dev Mani, Anil Kowshik, Stephen Kenton, Vijay Patel, Veronika Gilyadova, Harold M Newland, Steven Oliger, Margot Cordua, Nigel Winkworth, Sundararajan Kalidasan